Your mouth is God's brothel.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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