vagina is talking i cant
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize