I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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