I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
