i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
And the cops told us we were all naked.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
