Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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