I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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