He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
