Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
