Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
