ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
She even gives head with a lisp.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize