i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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