he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
the condom got lost in my hair
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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