Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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