Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
