You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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