im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
