WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
