Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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