hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
