I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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