you guys were way drunker than both of me
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
