Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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