i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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