I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
