She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Randomize
