Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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