Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
home. puking in laundry basket.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize