Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize