She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
