If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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