ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
