A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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