u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
