dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
