I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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