I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
