Just cropdusted the office
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
