Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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