please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
