I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
