he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
