conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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