we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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