It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
