I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
