My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
