Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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