youre lurking in front of me
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
