We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
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