Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
