Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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