I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
