HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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