Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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