masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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