I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
