Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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