we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
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