She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
