The maid of honor just puked.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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