i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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