dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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