Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
