if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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