I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
