Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
