Your face is a jimmy john
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
