4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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