Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Never joke about your clitoris.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
